Another free guided meditation MP3 is ready for you to enjoy…if you’re willing to spend just a few seconds letting me know what kind of meditations you like the most.

The point of this (incredibly short) survey is to make sure that you get exactly the kinds of meditation you most enjoy in the future. Your answers are anonymous and can’t be linked with you in any way, though I’m happy to publish the general results when the  survey finishes, if you’re interested.

(Note: when the survey finishes, I’m going to take down this freebie as well, so if you want the meditation, please check out the survey ASAP).

You can find the survey at:

http://www.selfworks.net/member-meditation-survey?5

Thanks for your help, and enjoy your meditation!

If you spend more time than you’d like on regrets, consider this quote:

“Nothing is a waste of time, if you use the experience wisely.”

I’ve just found this quote from the sculptor Rodin, and it’s meshed in my brain with  examples of its truth that I’ve come across recently. All put together, this creates a mini-strategy for knocking regrets on the head, once and for all.

To explain further, I should say that being a coach does not make a person immune to regrets and attacks of “Could’ve, Should’ve, Would’ve”. What helps, is having the tools to deal with them.

One of the most powerful of these tools is to ask, as the quote suggests, “What have I learnt from this experience?”. Whether it’s to say or not say something, to do something better next time, or to grasp an opportunity instead of letting it pass, learning always helps to make an experience feel valuable, and to assist in the process of moving on, however painful the original blooper.

There’s a flip side to the quote as well. Every experience is, in and of itself valuable. And this is important to remember, especially if you’re one of those people who’s always berating yourself because you, “Could have done better”, or “Should have made more of their life”.

The plain fact of the matter is that each of us, just as the NLP tenet would have us believe, really is “always doing the best that we can.” Trouble is, it doesn’t always feel that way. However, if you me or any of us can hold onto this thought, and keep exploring the myriad paths and disparate activities that make up our lives, there does come a point at which all the pieces of the jigsaw come together.

Take the example of a woman I know who’s in her late fifties. Suddenly widowed, and having concentrated on her career in advertising for many years, she was left wondering whether she should have had children earlier in her life, and whether their absence was a cause for regret.

Now however, she is on her way to a new chapter in life, teaching English to children at a school  in Africa, and able to use every one of her business skills in helping the children’s community to publicise and make best use of the region’s talented individuals, wildlife and natural assets.

“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely,” might also read. “Every experience is valuable…eventually”.

I hope this helps, and that any regrets you might have can turn, one day, into experiences that bear fruit.

The Thai edition of “Be the Life & Soul of the Party” has finally been published, by Delight publishing and (if you live in Thailand or speak Thai) it looks like this:

As I don’t speak Thai,  I can’t comment at all about the wording in this translation, but if it’s anything like the stunning graphics and layout, Delight have really done the book proud.

So, if you speak Thai and want to enjoy parties, all you need is now in print.

(Now I just need to work out how to translate this post into the Thai language…there must be a gizmo somewhere…?)

If you’re feeling bored, out-of-sorts or de-motivated today, there could be a statistical reason for it… Blue Monday.

Or to put it another way, today is the third Monday in January, by which time Christmas has passed, salaried people don’t get paid for ages, and the weather is still, well, Januaryish. Apparently, these factors, when plugged into a mathematical formula (which you can find here) mean that if you’re going to feel down, today’s the day.

Or…

But maybe, just maybe, even knowing that there are sound reasons for feeling a bit under the weather, may in itself be enough to help you feel more cheerful.  (Or, if you’re a rebellious, polarity responder, being told that you “should”, be feeling miserable, will, of course render you perky faster than a Usain Bolt 100metre dash).

There’s another trick that works well too though, and in the light of all the recent images we’re seeing from Haiti (assuming you’re finding this post today) it doesn’t sound as trite as usual.

Make a list of all the things for which you feel grateful, and dwell on each idea within it.

And yes, thinking back to those Haitian images, even if you can only put,”being alive,” on that list, maybe that counts for more than anything else.

If you’re wanting to take the next step forward, but are feeling mysteriously held back, here’s thought that, though you might not have had it before, is nonetheless, very effective.

Find yourself, ” a good problem to have”.

Granted, coaches are not known for talking in terms of “problems”. Traditionally, every “problem” must be re-framed as a “challenge”.

However, nine times out of ten, if people are feeling held back by a fear of a big, fat, hairy problem, so let’s just call the issue what it is: a problem.

True, it is normally fear that’s holding our hypothetical person back. But that fear is normally of a problem manifesting itself. This seems to hold good even when the problem indicates a fear of success, rather than a fear of failure. For example, the owner of a new restaurant may (sometimes subconsciously) worry that their newly-trained staff may not be able to cope if the restaurant were full. And yet, if they’re otherwise facing night after night of empty tables and no trade, an overfull restaurant would definitely be, “a good problem to have,” by comparison.

So, if something has been holding you back, rather than trying to ignore or banish all your fear and focus on a toothpaste-smiley success all in one go, experiment with a more gradual approach. For example:

1. Decide whether your underlying fear is already of success (ie of ” a good problem to have”) or not. If it is, go to step three.

2. If your fear is of something negative, work out how you would deal with this event that you keep imagining, were it to happen, and then transmute all that worry by switching it into something that would be, “a good problem to have”. In this way, you focus your energy on something much more productive, whilst putting your worrying habit to better use.

3. Once your main worries would in fact be, “good problems to have”, deal with the worrying habit itself. Good methods for many people include: allowing yourself five minutes, but only five, of worrying each day, and decreasing that figure over time, replacing the worry with the thought of what you want instead, etc.

In this way, you still end up at a happy outcome and good old, “positive thinking”, but taking the step in-between of acknowledging “good problems to have”, just makes the journey less daunting, and therefore, something that’s easier to begin and maintain. Give it a go and you’ll see the effect for yourself.

If you’re looking for free self improvement downloads to kick off the new year, there’s good news.

A *huge* giveaway of free products (well over 400) has begun and the site is now open for anyone to begin downloading any of the gifts that appeal to you. (Including our “Relaxing on the Beach” meditation, if you don’t have it already).

The gifts

I’ve only had chance to glance through the gifts briefly, and there are some gems (eg what looks to be a full and legal William James download, other relaxation audios, loads of ebook on topics like self-esteem and the like).

Having said that, there are quite a few titles that I would have said are aimed more at home-business people than personal development bods, so you may need to allow for this and search through until you grab something that appeals to you . Because some people seem to have got confused about the theme of the giveaway, parts are rather “salesy” too.

However, given that it’s free, you can’t beat the price, so if you’d like to pick up a load of freebies before this site shuts again (it’s purposely only open for a limited time, it seems) you can find it at:

www.selfimprovementgiveaway4.com

(As it’s actually quite hard for me as a contributor to access these freebies in the same way as you, I’d love your feedback as to how you find the giveaway to be.)

Have fun, and I hope you find at least one or two items that you like and which help speed you into 2010 in style.

New Year. So much  promise. So much expectation. But isn’t it exactly all that expectation that can bring the whole party structure crashing down?

Think about it. At what other time of year are you forced into appearing not just jolly, but jolly and hopeful, often when in the company of complete strangers?

Enforced anything, be it joy, mirth, or anything else that’s wonderful in other circumstances, feels and is, false. Leaving people sensing a lack of authenticity,  but feeling too polite to know what to do about it. Is it any wonder that the people can find the easiest way through to be a vast amount of alcohol?

There is another solution. Be real. Say what you really feel. And, if you feel the need to do so, acknowledge the old year, as well as paying attention to the new. (And yes, I know that lots of people aren’t in the least sorry to see the back of 2009…but acknowledge that, if it feels right for you. It’ll leave you feeling that you’ve had a much cleaner break with the past than six glasses of fizz and a desultory chorus of Auld Lang Syne will by themselves).

And above all, be easy on yourself. In the Northern hemisphere, anyway, it’s winter, so rather than expecting yourself to have bags of sparkle, just allow yourself to be, however you are, with whoever you meet. And then see what happens.

Here’s to authentic fun, in whatever way suits you best.

It’s December 21st today, the shortest day and longest night (at least in the Northern hemisphere). Yet it’s also the point at which light begins to return to our (this year particularly physically cold) landscape.
“This is not news”, you may say. Or, “Why is she even thinking of taking me away from all my hectic pre-Christmas preparation just to say that?”
Just bear with me for a second. My suggestion is this. Since ancient times, December 21st has been used  as a turning point. So some of the energy of transformation still clings to it in our collective psyche and imagination.

Therefore, if you had any thoughts about making New Year resolutions (and please see all previous posts on this topic for my views on why the timing of those is rarely all that great) consider starting with your resolution, using the association with transformation as a boost.

Or to put it another way, which set of resolutions stands more chance of success:

1) One made  and started right away, before the Christmas rush subsumes absolutely everything, and well set into your life during a holiday period?  or

2) One you attempt to start on Jan 1st, quite possibly with a hangover, after having procrastinated and thought about it for nearly a fortnight, and coupled with the imminent prospect of a return to work and routine?

But whatever you decide, please have a happy and peaceful festive season.

Here’s our Christmas/New Year video. So turn your speakers on, sit back, take just one minute to relax and enjoy this…and have a very happy Christmas and New Year.

(P.S. YouTube cuts this off, and it’s a shame: the backing music is “Lullabye-Christmas” by Mike Schmid, and the fantastic site at Animoto.Com makes videos like this possible).

Just in case you’re new to the blog or haven’t yet heard about this from all my twittering, I was interviewed about “Be the Life and Soul of the Party last week on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s hour.

For the next four days , you can still hear the interview (incongruously sandwiched between two, probably worthier, but much less buoyant pieces) at:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00p4kb9

And I hope this goes some way to explain the lack of posting in the last few days!