It’s New Year, Save It From Same Old Same Old December 31, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Happiness and Success.Tags: new year
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New Year. So much promise. So much expectation. But isn’t it exactly all that expectation that can bring the whole party structure crashing down?
Think about it. At what other time of year are you forced into appearing not just jolly, but jolly and hopeful, often when in the company of complete strangers?
Enforced anything, be it joy, mirth, or anything else that’s wonderful in other circumstances, feels and is, false. Leaving people sensing a lack of authenticity, but feeling too polite to know what to do about it. Is it any wonder that the people can find the easiest way through to be a vast amount of alcohol?
There is another solution. Be real. Say what you really feel. And, if you feel the need to do so, acknowledge the old year, as well as paying attention to the new. (And yes, I know that lots of people aren’t in the least sorry to see the back of 2009…but acknowledge that, if it feels right for you. It’ll leave you feeling that you’ve had a much cleaner break with the past than six glasses of fizz and a desultory chorus of Auld Lang Syne will by themselves).
And above all, be easy on yourself. In the Northern hemisphere, anyway, it’s winter, so rather than expecting yourself to have bags of sparkle, just allow yourself to be, however you are, with whoever you meet. And then see what happens.
Here’s to authentic fun, in whatever way suits you best.
Tip for the Winter Solstice… December 21, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Happiness and Success.Tags: Winter Solstice, Winter solstice tip
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It’s December 21st today, the shortest day and longest night (at least in the Northern hemisphere). Yet it’s also the point at which light begins to return to our (this year particularly physically cold) landscape.
“This is not news”, you may say. Or, “Why is she even thinking of taking me away from all my hectic pre-Christmas preparation just to say that?”
Just bear with me for a second. My suggestion is this. Since ancient times, December 21st has been used as a turning point. So some of the energy of transformation still clings to it in our collective psyche and imagination.
Therefore, if you had any thoughts about making New Year resolutions (and please see all previous posts on this topic for my views on why the timing of those is rarely all that great) consider starting with your resolution, using the association with transformation as a boost.
Or to put it another way, which set of resolutions stands more chance of success:
1) One made and started right away, before the Christmas rush subsumes absolutely everything, and well set into your life during a holiday period? or
2) One you attempt to start on Jan 1st, quite possibly with a hangover, after having procrastinated and thought about it for nearly a fortnight, and coupled with the imminent prospect of a return to work and routine?
But whatever you decide, please have a happy and peaceful festive season.
Happy Christmas 09 and New Year 2010 Video December 18, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Happiness and Success, Meditation and Relaxation, Personal Development (General).Tags: Christmas video, Christmas video 2009, happy christmas video
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Here’s our Christmas/New Year video. So turn your speakers on, sit back, take just one minute to relax and enjoy this…and have a very happy Christmas and New Year.
(P.S. YouTube cuts this off, and it’s a shame: the backing music is “Lullabye-Christmas” by Mike Schmid, and the fantastic site at Animoto.Com makes videos like this possible).
Be the Life & Soul of the Party: Update December 14, 2009
Posted by selfworks in More About "Be Life and Soul of the Party", Personal Development (General).Tags: parties, self confidence at parties
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Just in case you’re new to the blog or haven’t yet heard about this from all my twittering, I was interviewed about “Be the Life and Soul of the Party last week on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s hour.
For the next four days , you can still hear the interview (incongruously sandwiched between two, probably worthier, but much less buoyant pieces) at:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00p4kb9
And I hope this goes some way to explain the lack of posting in the last few days!
Is it Christmas already?! December 7, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Happiness and Success, Personal Development (General).Tags: Christmas
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Am still in shock. Though the calendar has been helpful in showing, all year, that Christmas is on Dec 25th yet again 
I still seem to have failed to get my act together. So am here again in panic mode, as the whole event has crept up behind me, “on rubber heels”, as my grandma would have said.
If you can identify with this too, the only solution of course, is for us to find a way to get into feeling more Christmassy, and get on with it. But how? Here are the things that have worked for me in the past (and some of which I’ll be re-visiting to get into the spirit of things):
1. Think about one thing that you love to do, that you can only do at this time of year. Personally, I like watching “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and the Christmas theme in it just feels too weird to watch in July. You may hate slushy movies, but love Christmas decorations. Or wrapping ribbons around presents. Or an extra hour under the duvet because you’re not going to work. Or eating turkey.
Take your pick. In any event, concentrating on what you do like is, as ever, going to be a bundle more relaxing than stressing out about the stuff you hate.
2. Speaking of relaxing, where is it written that all people above the age of 25 should cease to enjoy Christmas and turn it into one long stress-fest? Decide on the most relaxing way in which you can get everything done, and stick to it. (And yes, if that means people get vouchers, then they get vouchers…and will probably-even if secretly-really enjoy their consequent freedom to choose what they want).
3. People. If you’re delighted about who you’ll be with, enough said. But even if you sometimes feel you’d have more in common with Martians than the people around you on 25th, there is something you can do make things easier. If you drop your expectations, and just allow yourself to observe what’s going on, without any judgement or emotion (exactly as you might if you really were recording the habits of a Martian species), you’re likely to find that your enjoyment increases. Bizarre? Maybe. Effective? You bet.
At the same time, it does no harm to re-focus on the spirit of it all. Many of us aren’t conventionally religious, though we might, if forced to say something in the face of a crow-bar or a census-form, talk about being “Spiritual but not religious”.
However, whatever our beliefs, most human beings can agree that love, of whatever kind, is A Good Thing. Perhaps we can all just start with that thought, express it where possible, and work out the details from there.
Now, if you”ll excuse me, that Frank Capra masterpiece is still waiting to get me into the Christmas spirit…
Free Coaching? November 13, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Personal Development (General).Tags: free coaching
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If you’ve often thought about having coaching, but would prefer a free taster first, here’s something new.
As an experiment, I’m testing out whether it’s possible to ask effective coaching questions via YouTube videos. If you’re curious, here’s the first one:
Please do comment and let me know what you think.
“Uncaring” People Getting You Down? Try this. October 13, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Career and Work, Confidence, Family, Happiness and Success, Holistic Ideas, Personal Development (General), Relationships, Wellbeing.Tags: uncaring
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Lots of the people I know, from all walks of life, have a bit of a thing about the, “uncaring” people around them. It could be a co-worker, spouse or boss. Perhaps a friend or family member. And usually, the people concerned are the nicest you could ever wish to meet. They, not surprisingly, tend to be very puzzled as to what they have done to attract this lack of heart, feeling hurt, disgruntled, and sometimes even frightened.
I’ve observed this phenomenon from the sidelines many times, and occasionally, experienced it myself . Yet, until now, it’s been hard to work out what’s going on, when nice people attract more than their fair share of cold -shouldering.
If that describes you, or someone you know, read on, because finally, I may have figured out what’s going on here.
A shift of perspective
Come with me, on a shift of perspective. That does mean coming away from the barrel-load of good reasons to feel out of sorts, and into the twilight world of the particularly “uncaring” person in question.
Ask yourself:
-What’s going on for this person: physically, emotionally (and even spiritually?)
-What does this person care about?
and,
-Could it be that something within the situation is causing them to switch off and stop caring, rather than it being anything to do with me? (Eg, does my boss secretly hate being on this project, is my friend really worried about her family, is my spouse really concerned about job security?).
The results
When you have applied your own gift for caring in this way, you may come to surprising conclusions, such as:
1. That this person isn’t being deliberately uncaring toward you at all. Rather, there is something about the whole situation they’re in which makes them care less about certain pieces of it than others. And you just happen, unwittingly, to be attached to one of those less-valued pieces right now.
2. If the person is persistently uncaring, they’re probably not feeling very happy. And the only person who can alter that, is the individual themselves. (So, nice person that you are, please stop trying to tapdance around them and jolly them out of it. A well-timed grunt from you may elicit more response and rapport than you can imagine).
3. As a caring person yourself, you may be assuming that there is a certain level of care others,”must” take towards you. People do differ, both in their capacity to care, and the way in which they express the feeling. (Think for example of the mother who rarely hugs, but always has a delicious meal on the table). If you need a particular tye of caring, make it your responsibility to ask for it, and/or seek it elsewhere.
4. As a caring person, you have the edge, because you’re likely to be more aware of the other person’s position than they are of yours. Used wisely, this can be a tremendous asset, and can help you to help they person towards what they need, rather than, “what they should want, if they only cared…”
In short: care about the uncaring person, rather than their opinion of you, and you may be astonished at how swiftly the situation can change.
Why “Good Luck” May Not Be An Accident… October 12, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Confidence, Happiness and Success, Holistic Ideas, Personal Development (General).add a comment
Have you ever thought that some people just seem to be, “luckier” than others? Or that some people appear to, “have it all” whereas others seem to have difficulties the moment they put their feet out of bed in the morning?
For a long time, the NLP community has been suggesting and demonstrating that changing your attitudes, thoughts and actions on specific topics can help you to better your outcomes, enjoyment and well-being. The thing is, it’s always been jolly hard to prove (except by asking people simply to make the changes and then experience the results…).
Anyway, someone totally unconnected with NLP has shown that we all do have more control over the degree of luck in our lives than you might think. Dr Richard Wiseman has come up with a series of experiments that show attitudes (and the actions that flow from them) really are key in determining whether or not an individual is, “lucky” or not.
Have a look and see whether these findings could impact upon your life, or that of someone you know.
Thrive Anyway! September 16, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Happiness and Success, Inspiration, Personal Development (General).Tags: thrive
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Yes, I haven’t posted for weeks.
My guess is that the past few weeks have been, for me personally, some of the most turbulent for more than a decade.
Am I going to list out the tale of woe here? Of course not! But, being just far enough through it all now, it’s time to reflect a bit, and boil down a list of pointers that might help you (or someone you know) if there’s more turbulence in their life than they’d like at present. Here’s the top ten:
1. When things really do begin to kick off, sometimes you need simply to withdraw a little and sort them out. That’ s OK, and rather than being selfish, may well save others from receiving unnecessary fallout.
2. Despite point one, gauge the right time to re-emerge and/or ask others for help. There may well be others who, because of their prior experience or different position, can help more easily than you think. Just take care who you ask, how you ask, and when.
3. Keep focusing on solutions, and if they feel deeply and instinctively right, pursue them.
4. Accept that turbulence usually means that you’re breaking new ground, and allow yourself to make the mistakes that go with new ground without beating yourself up.
5. At the same time, turbulence (annoyingly!) usually presents the very best learning opportunities…console yourself that all the mayhem means you’re learning faster than usual, and this will all come in handy in the future.
6. Don’t expect more of yourself than you can deliver. For example, you may always strive to be cheerful. But sometimes, it’s especially crucial just to feel how you feel, and keep remembering that you’re doing the best that you can (even though it may be a different level of “best” to normal).
7. Keep counting your blessings. It sounds twee, but actually going through a litany of things for which you feel grateful, especially at night-time, is relaxing, inspiring, and a great help in keeping yourself focused towards that which you still have.
8. Try to think of radical change as an unusual visitor that shakes everything up, but can bring huge opportunities. A bit like the kind of larger-than-life relative who appears once every five years and turns the house upside down, but showers everyone with gifts at the same time.
9. When the storm subsides, pick through the pieces of the past that are still workable, usable, and in resonance with the new you…and weave them into the new direction your life is taking.
10. Think of all the great stories you’ll be able to tell once the dust has settled. (just like the posts and changes that will be appearing in this blog, now that I’ve whetted your appetite…)
Making “Life Purpose” & “Abundance” Simpler? August 10, 2009
Posted by selfworks in Career and Work, Happiness and Success, Money and Prosperity, Personal Development (General).Tags: abundance, life purpose, personal development
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Much is talked in personal development circles about, “life purpose” and “abundance”. And yet, in both cases, answers can be given which are so over-simplistic as to be unhelpful. Eg. “Just love yourself ” or ” You are already abundant, but have yet to realise it.” (?!)
The other day though, a thought struck me which links together both, and could simplify matters for anyone currently thinking about life purpose or abundance.
If a certain interest, concern, or way of being is part of our life purpose, we’re likely to do it a lot, and with enthusiasm. And by doing things a great deal, any of us can accumulate expertise and skill in a given area. Yet precisely because we are enthusiastic about it and precisely because we have become skilled enough at it to find it easy, we may not value that skill as highly as others who don’t possess it. Hence, our life purpose naturally yields an abundance of something, but we may need to recognise it for what it is.
Taking examples of this may make the matter more concrete. As a talkative, communicative person, I learnt a long time ago that others sometimes prefer you to keep quiet…and so labelled myself internally as talking to excess. In fact, it’s an excess that can be turned into abundance (eg when the words are used in trainings, to help clients, or to write).
To take another example: my Long Suffering Spouse loves to fix computers (so much so that, on the rare days when he isn’t fixing other peoples’ computers, he wanders round our house looking for devices and problems to fix). People pay him gladly to exercise a skill that he has in abundance.
So, in a sense, people perhaps haven’t changed that much over the centuries. Just as the miller used to barter an excess of flour for the farmer’s excess of apples, so today, we trade more abstract skills: conversation, fixing, a helping hand, the ability to make things beautiful, and so forth. But with our modern world comes a degree of complication and stress that can make these true skills harder to see in all their glory.
My question to you therefore, is simple:
What do you do, naturally, and in such easy abundance that it creates an excess that others will value?
Therein may lie, not just abundance, but a lot of information about your current life purpose as well.
