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Dealing with Change November 5, 2008

Posted by selfworks in Confidence, Happiness and Success, Personal Development (General).
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There are two main kinds of change.

The first is of the type we’ve seen today, with Barack Obama’s election. Seismic, huge and felt by vast swathes of people. For every American dancing in the streets, there’s his or her counterpart elsewhere, who they may never meet, but who also feels more empowered and inspired by a new beginning over which they had no control, but are profoundly grateful to see.

As I type this, I’m wondering about all the different levels upon which a change like this can be felt…and whether I admit something here that sounds more than a bit odd. I think I will.

Last night, my Long Suffering Spouse and I switched off the US election coverage reluctantly here in London, thinking that at least we’d hear the result by our morning. And so we went to sleep.

In the night (GMT), I woke up with a start, feeling as if a huge surge of energy was coursing its way through me. A bolt of “positive lightening”, is the best way to describe it. Perplexed, and not at all sleepy, I wandered to the bathroom, idly putting on the radio and that same “all night coverage” of the election.

I was just in time to hear the pundits becoming certain that Obama was going to win. And part of me can’t help wondering if the jolt of joy that his supporters put into the field that connects us all was strong enough to have woken me up, even thousands of miles away.

Fanciful? Maybe. What is certain though is that this kind of change can provide a new sense of inspiration and possibility to millions, worldwide, and on a grand scale.

But, there’s a different kind of change too, often overlooked and unsung, without which none of these seismic events could take place.

so,  you’re bewildered by too huge a change (whether on a national or personal level)  stay tuned for the next post, in which I’ll talk more about this second kind of change.

Restlessness and "Big Change" June 10, 2008

Posted by selfworks in Happiness and Success, Personal Development (General).
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When people feel restless, or that, “there must be more to life than this”, it’s often really tempting to go for, “the big change”. You know the kind of thing. People up sticks and move to different countries, set up businesses and the like.

But, whether or not you’re aiming for , “the big change,” if you’re feeling restless, why not start with small changes first? The easiest and most sustainable way to do this is to change just one thing about your day, every day. So, for example, if you always buy a latte each morning, from Cafe X, on day one of the change you might order tea, and on Day two, order anything you like, but from cafe Z. Small changes like that can actually add up to a different day-to-day experience surprisingly fast.

Neither do they stop you from making the bigger changes. In fact, putting this kind of new idea into practice should make the bigger changes easier, because:

-You’ll already be in “change mode,” so bigger changes will seem less daunting and more exciting,

-The small changes you make may introduce you to new people and concepts into which you can make an easy and natural transition, and

-You’ll become more experienced at integrating change into your life, and the skill will carry forward into major changes too.

Hope this helps-more soon!

Seeds of Change? May 24, 2008

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There are seeds of change afoot at Selfworks, and with all of this, blogging has had to take a back seat recently.

However, the idea of seeds set me thinking about a low-cost (and fun) way to assess your own approach to manifesting changes in your life.

It happened like this.

LSS and I suddenly decided one evening a couple of weeks ago actually to plant the many packets of seeds we seemedd to have accumulated over the last year or so. We are not gardeners in any sense, so this was a completely new experience for us (and for our window boxes).

In went the tomato seeds, the sunflowers, the salad veg, and the seeds of the pink flowers I can’t remember the name of, because I stupidly chucked away the packet.

Anyway, it was a hot evening, so we watered them, and waited.

Now, the packets talked about 14 days+ before germination. So really, other than watering, I should have put them out of my mind.

Did I do this? Did I heck.

After 24 hours, I was impatiently wondering why I couldn’t see even a green shoot, and thinking that actually the packets might be old/duds etc.

And then it hit me. As with seeds, so with life. Once the seed of an idea is sown, it too needs time to grow, develop and come to fruition. Doubting it does no good at all. There was I thinking I was such a good manifestor….and when faced with a really practical manifestation situation, here was a really basic error on my part.

In fact, we began to see green shoots, amazingly. after just three days…and now that two weeks have passed, it actually looks like nearly all the seeds we planted are through . (And this even though I had “planned” for a much higher attrition/non-germination rate).

In the end of course, seeds are designed by nature to come through, if possible. And in the same way, maybe we, as individuals are too…if only we can trust the process of life that bit more.

Have a go at planting some seeds if the fancy takes you…and check out what the process tells you aout yourself, at the same time.

Hoipe this helps.

More soon, though not quite sure when.

Clare

Make Way for…*Super Beliefs* ! January 24, 2008

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All beliefs aren’t created equal.

(And if you read that thinking,”This isn’t a religious blog, what’s she on about?!” relax. I’m talking here about the kinds of subconscious beliefs that run your life on default unless you consciously change them).

I know that this will be familiar territory to many people reading this blog, but, by way of explantion, if for example, a person believes that, “People always hate me”, then they’re likely to filter what they see and experience in the world to fit in with that belief, thereby collecting more evidence to support the belief, and unwittingly strengthening it.

However, musing on all of this whilst washing up, like you do, (or at least, as I do) it struck me that some beliefs are actually much more important than others. Even more important than the beliefs you can class as “values” and live by (or not), such as respect for others, needing to make a difference, etc.

Enter the “Super Beliefs”

And so, for the first time, something struck me consciously that I’d been unconsciously tapping into in changework, both inside and outside of the NLP framework.

Some beliefs, when changed, almost automatically change a whole slew of others at the same time.

For example, if you believe that “change is easy” this can potentially impact your life right across the board. So can your beliefs about the nature of “life”. For instance, there are no prizes for guessing whether the person who thinks of life as a, “game, ” or the one who considers it , “a slog”will have the happier all-round experience.

So, the hunt is on for more of these “super”, or “master” beliefs, that when changed, can change everything else at a stroke.

And if you have some favourite examples, please leave a comment.

I guess the next question (and one which I still keep being asked, so may answer in another post) is, which technique(s) is/are best for belief change?

But that’s definitely a post for another day.

Hope this helps.

More soon.

Clare

PS. Yes, the previous post was correct in that the goodies are nearly ready…We ran into another unforeseen problem, but I’m off to spend the rest of the day on the new-look Goodybag, so fingers crossed, it should be with you very soon, and I’m sorry for the delay.

Resolutions:Why Small and Simple Works January 2, 2008

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You may already be steaming ahead with your New Year’s resolution. In which case, do keep going. The point of today’s post is to add in any extra info you may need to get moving and stay that way.

In yesterday’s post, there was a question about “the smallest habit” you could do on a daily (or regular) basis that would support you on the road to reaching the state you want by the end of this year. This is because small actions slip “under your radar”, and therefore are less likely to meet with any resistance from your unconscious mind. Nonetheless, when you add them together, form an impressive body of results when you add them together.

For example, if your goal or outcome is to reach a defined level of fitness, just ten minutes of a certain exercise on each of the 366 days this year would be the equivalent of doing the same exercise non-stop for almost 13 days. Not to mention the cumulative strength you’d get over time, that wouldn’t be available after such an exhausting couple of weeks…Or the ease with which you can carry out your “simple” habit once you’ve repeated it the first few times.

There may even be other changes that naturally occur, once the repetition of this simple habit effortlessly alters your perception of yourself to allow other changes in. Continuing with the “fitness” example, the ten-minute exercise might then also spill over, a few months down the line, into your feeling healthier. As we tend to be wired to maintain a steady state, you’d then probably be motivated to maintain that healthy feeling. In turn, that may translate into your wanting to make simple changes to your diet. ( I can personally vouch for this having happened to me, last year, and much to my surprise).

So, small and simple habits really work. If you’ve already thought of one, great. If not, please do so now. And then…Please make it even simpler or easier.

I know, that’s an odd request. But the majority of people are unused to being asked to do something simple and easy, and tend to over-estimate how much they’ll feel motivated to do on a daily basis, but to underestimate the cumulative effect of tinier actions. For instance, if your goal is to complete a novel this year, ask yourself whether you’ll be better to produce 250 words per day that feel easy to achieve each whatever else is going on, or 1000 that only appear on the days when your boss/kids/partner/friends/family (delete or add as applicable) don’t vie for your attention.

(In case you were wondering about that, by the way, 250 words x 366 days comes to 91,500 words, or a 305-page novel at 300 words per page.)

Enough said. In the next post, we’ll be talking about how you can remove the blocks to your own progress…including one of the biggest resolution-killers of them all.

Hope this helps.

More soon.

Clare

Make It A Happy New Year January 1, 2008

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Yes, this will be the promised “part two of that resolution-making process,” which started yesterday. But first of all, a very Happy New Year to you. And no, the title isn’t a mis-type…to a certain extent at least, each of us is able to control how happy the year will be on a personal level by choosing paths that lead to happiness, and opting, where possible to dwell on the thoughts most likely to create that mood.

But enough of such idealism…It may not be blending well with the “morning after” feeling. On to the next stage of the resolution making process.

Yesterday, we talked about what you’d like to be feeling, doing, and experiencing on December 31st that’s different from today. Keep that thought and feeling in mind on a daily basis especially before sleep. But in addition, your task today is to set out the milestones on the path towards that feeling.

Please also think about how you’ll want to think, feel and experience things differently:

-Halfway through the year (ie June 30th/July 1st)
-Halfway between that date and the December 31st target(ie around 30th September/October 1st)
-By March 31st

In this way, you’ve now divided your journey towards the resolution into more manageable chunks…(But remember, you can also subdivide those chunks in the same way, if it helps).

Is this the end of the process? No. By the end of the week we’ll have covered a few more things you need to consider to come up with an attractive and “do-able” resolution.

But please remember, there’s no need to wait for the next blog to get started. Put your enthusiasm and motivation to work by spending time thinking and feeling the yourney towards success that you’ve just mapped out.

And if you’ve still time left over after all that, let yourself ponder this question:

Which is the one, smallest possible change can you make to your daily routine and habits that will support you as you move towards your desired 31st December outcome?

More on why that’s important in the next post.

Hope this helps

Clare

New Year Resolutions? December 31, 2007

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It’s that New Year’s resolution time of year again…The question is, how will you feel about the resolution you want, today, 12 months from now?

In the past, as you may remember if you’ve been reading the blog for long, I’ve been a bit sniffy about New Year’s resolutions. Along the lines of, “Following the crowd is generally a bad idea…Winter-in the Northern hemisphere-is a lousy time for a life change…” Etc, etc.

But actually, there is one form of resolution that has worked for me for several years, even when made in time for January 1st, rather than in spring.

And seeing as the vogue for Jan 1st resolutions isn’t going to disappear anytime soon, it makes sense to explain the method here.

It’s far more than just a, “quick fix”, so I’m going to split it into parts over more than one post. But here’s the first step:

Imagine that it is December 31st, 2008. What would you like to be saying, doing and feeling, as a habitual and accepted part of your life, that is different from your state today?

(If you can think of more than one thing, pick th one that feels as if it matters the most. If nothing springs to mind, ponder this for a few hours until something meaningful pops into your mind).

That’s it for the first stage….More in the next post. And remember, even though people make resolutions on January 1st, they can be for the whole year, not just Jan 1st.

Hope this helps

More in the next post.

Clare

Stuck? Dare to talk! April 4, 2007

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A quick post, and an even quicker tip. If on any particular day you feel stuck in a rut, one of the fastest ways out of it is to get talking to a new friend or acquaintance. Just get out there and get chatting, even if it is only about the weather.

(I was moved to remember this after circumstances literally propelled a neighbour I hadn’t met before through the door-and after this breath of fresh air creativity was no problem at all).

This post’s a bit brief because I’m working on something Selfworks hasn’t done before-watch this space. Hope it helps though.

More soon

Clare

Getting Out of the Box February 16, 2007

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“Let’s get out of the box on this one”. It’s such a cliche, isn’t it? And yet still hordes of people, especially from the business community, keep asking me for the escape route. So here it is, in two words.

Ask questions.

Technically, that really is all you need to do. But in case your brain is feeling a little fried this fine Friday, I’ll elaborate a bit.

The framework of the metaphorical “box” that’s keeping you feeling hemmed in, is the “status quo”. In other words, your “box” or that of your group, organisation or community, is kept in place by statements like,

“Well, that’s the way it’s always been.”

“That’s just how things are”.

“That’s life” etc, etc.

The effect of questions

Questions, by their very nature, begin to prise open the box, as soon as they’re asked. Think what such simple phrases as “Why?” “What if?” and “What’s possible?” might have in response to the “status quo” statements above.

Putting it into practice

If you’re new to box demolition, and have been feeling a bit nervous about it, start with smaller situaitons, and with asking internal questions of yourself, eg.

“Why does our family always shop in this same place?” and building up to external questions of others, such as,

“What if we could increase the company budget by 100 million?” or even “Why do we still have wars?”

Obviously, I exaggerate to make the point…

But have fun with this, and a great weekend. Box-busters of the world, unite! ;-)

More soon.

Clare