Have Your Resolutions "Gone With the Wind"? January 31, 2008
Posted by selfworks in Uncategorized.Tags: broken, keep, New_Year, resolutions
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By the end of January, the keeping of New Years’s resolutions can have a lot of parallels with “Gone With the Wind”.
(And I’m not pretending to have any “guru-like” status as I say this…I got to thinking about it all as I battled, mentally, to keep my own promises to myself in the midst of a very grey London winter this week…The resolution, if you haven’t guessed, is to get Selfworks.Net into a shape that members can really use and enjoy…You only need to read recent posts to know we’re not there yet, on stage one, but almost).
Anyway, as ever, I’m digressing. Back to why the whole resolution-keeping arena is like “Gone With the Wind,” at least for those of us experiencing winter in the northern hemisphere, anyway. There are three parallels, as well as the fact that many people’s resolutions have already, “gone with the wind”, by now.
Firstly, it can feel like there’s a war going on in your head as conservative ideas that keep life stable, battle with new ones that push things forward…all in fairly bleak conditions that test resolution by themselves.
Secondly, there’s a huge tempation, by this time to turn around and say, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn, ” about it all…and wait for Jan 1st to roll round again.
Thirdly, and most importantly, there’s the chance to forget our cultural obsession with starting things on Jan 1st, and to remember that,”Tomorrow is another day.”
In other words every day brings with it a fresh start, and a new chance for that day to give you what you need…if you’ll let it work for you.
Come to think of it, today is another day as well, so I’m off to explore it. Please join me in that too.
Hope this helps
More soon
Clare
Beat These Resolution Barriers January 4, 2008
Posted by selfworks in Uncategorized.Tags: New, New_Year, resolutions, Year
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So you’ve made your New Year’s Resoution. You’ve broken down progress towards it into manageable chunks. And you’ve created a simple habit, which, when repeated daily, will support you in getting the outcome you want.
“What could possibly be left?” I hear you cry.
Simple. Making sure that you recognise the biggest barrier that stands between most people and their successful outcome, and getting around it with ease.
And no, that barrier isn’t getting discouraged or running out of steam (which should happen less in the light of the specific steps you’ve already taken in making the resolution).
The barrier
The biggest potential barrier is simple. Breaking the resolution. Or, more precisely, your reaction if/when you do “fall off the wagon” and go back to your old behaviour.. (Pay special attention to this if your resolution is already fading!)
Instead of thinking, “Well, I’ve broken my resolution now, so that’s it.”, try another thought, such as, “Oh, OK, I had a lapse. Well, changes hardly ever happen in a smooth straight line. I’ve already done well to start making this change, I’ll just go back to my new habit.”
Or, using the “wagon” analogy again, remind yourself that,This wagon isn’t going to roll away without me. Any time I fall off it, all I have to do is climb straight back on again. If I keep climbing enough times, eventually this new behaviour will stick.
Extrboosts
And, should you feel in need of extra motivation to keep getting back to a new habit, consider three things:
1) What “payoff” does your old behaviour give you? Eg. people who over-shop tend to enjoy the adrenaline rush of getting their hands on the goods, and even handing over the card. So, that person might have to think of other, more supportive, ways to get a similar rush.
2) Allow yourself to dwell on the “you” you’ve chosen to become by 31st December, often, and in detail.
3) How can you reward yourself for each period of time you stick to the new habit? Eg if you have little free time, schedule extra for each day on which you exercise, if that’s related to your resolution.
As a general rule of thumb, short timescales leading to small rewards a little and often keep a person’s motivation higher than huge occasional rewards, which “don’t seem worth waiting for” when your patience and self discipline are already being tested. Also, it’s important that the reward you give yourself supports or is neutral in relation to your original resolution. Eg. rewards in the shape of cream cakes might not support your diet, but giving yourself more “me-time” would.
Otherwise, just use your imagination, and enjoy not just fulfilling your resolution by the end of this year, but reaping all those rewards along the way as well.
Hope this helps.
More soon
Clare
New Year Resolutions? December 31, 2007
Posted by selfworks in Uncategorized.Tags: change, Jan 1st, New_Year, personal development, resolutions, technique, tip
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It’s that New Year’s resolution time of year again…The question is, how will you feel about the resolution you want, today, 12 months from now?
In the past, as you may remember if you’ve been reading the blog for long, I’ve been a bit sniffy about New Year’s resolutions. Along the lines of, “Following the crowd is generally a bad idea…Winter-in the Northern hemisphere-is a lousy time for a life change…” Etc, etc.
But actually, there is one form of resolution that has worked for me for several years, even when made in time for January 1st, rather than in spring.
And seeing as the vogue for Jan 1st resolutions isn’t going to disappear anytime soon, it makes sense to explain the method here.
It’s far more than just a, “quick fix”, so I’m going to split it into parts over more than one post. But here’s the first step:
Imagine that it is December 31st, 2008. What would you like to be saying, doing and feeling, as a habitual and accepted part of your life, that is different from your state today?
(If you can think of more than one thing, pick th one that feels as if it matters the most. If nothing springs to mind, ponder this for a few hours until something meaningful pops into your mind).
That’s it for the first stage….More in the next post. And remember, even though people make resolutions on January 1st, they can be for the whole year, not just Jan 1st.
Hope this helps
More in the next post.
Clare
If Your New Year’s Resolutions Aren’t Working… January 2, 2007
Posted by selfworks in Uncategorized.Tags: New_Year, resolutions
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A Happy New Year to you…and as fast as possible I ‘ll cut to the chase and explain the unusually negative title of today’s post.
By the way, if your resolutions are working for you then I’m delighted, and please feel free to skip this post….or check out the bit headed “what works.”
But I just can’t sit back and wade through all those cheery emails exhorting us all to “make 2007 your best year yet!” without making a post about it.
The thing is you see, this blog is about what works. So I feel compelled to tell the truth as much as ever about this much-hyped “New Year’s Resolution” thing. Stand by to feel the huge amount of encouragement that is your absolute right if you’re currently struggling with resolution-keeping (or resolution guilt).
Why it can be tough
There’s a host of really good reasons why (man-made calendars and “clean-sheet” arguments notwithstanding) New Year can actually be the worst time of the year to start new projects, hopes and dreams.
1) In the Northern hemisphere at least, it’s the darkest and coldest time of the year. Which tempts even the cheeriest of us to snuggle back under the duvet, and/or tuck into the carbs. Not a great start for energetic or calorie-counting resolutions.
2) Many of us have looked forward to Christmas (whatever it was actually like) and, once corks have popped on the 1st, again, it’s tough to avoid some measure of anticlimactic feeling. This means that it takes some motivation even to get going on “normal” tasks, let alone new ones.
3) You’re “supposed” to make changes. Don’t know about you, but as a true polarity responder (ie one who does the opposite almost on principle) just that idea is enough to raise my hackles.
But wait! Isn’t this also “supposed” to be a cheery and motivational blog?
Absolutely, which is why it’s time to look at what’s different in relation to the resolutions that do “work” for people, at this time of year and beyond.
What works?
1) At risk of giving you a reason to procrastinate, starting resolutions at other times of year definitely works. (And yes, just for the record, if you read that October post of mine about toning up then rather than in January, there is now one dress size less of me than there was before.)
2) But the above my be a digression that just causes you to gnash your teeth rather than find any motivation. Let’s suppose that you do have a resolution, and you want to keep it despite the time of year.
In some ways, the assumption that resolutoins will be made does do one very positive thing. It creates a climate that supports change. Which means it’s a great time of year to ask for help, or form a team or group of like-minded people who can help to support each other towards a shared outcome.
3) Choose to phrase your resolution so that its final outcome is far enough away for you to reach it easily, and having formed a habit that supports your new way of being. So, for example, saying, “On December 31st 2007 I will weigh X weight, having got there steadily throughout the year” would stand a greater chance of success than “I must lose weight now”.
4) Choose the resolution that feels most attractive and attainable to you personally, right now. Having seen dozens of people, for example, give up smoking “because it feels right”, and “because it no longer fits with who I am”, I’m absolutely convinced that each of us has our own unique internal, often unconscious, agenda. This agenda of your unconscious mind sorts out each issue in its own time and its own way. Left to itself, it will also help you to reach outcomes with the most personal growth and the least pain possible.
Of course, this doesn’t give any of us carte blanche just to sit back and wait. Seize the day…but seize it in the way that you want to th most, as far as you can. Apart from anything else, you have a much-increased chance of retaining your motivation if you’re fuelled by desire, rather than obligation.
5) Remember that every day is a new beginning. So even if you have a few false starts, if you keep on starting, you will still reach you eventual outcome…whatever the time of year.
Hope this helps-and thanks for reading such a long post!
Clare
