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A “Good Problem to Have?” January 12, 2010

Posted by selfworks in Confidence, Happiness and Success, Personal Development (General).
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If you’re wanting to take the next step forward, but are feeling mysteriously held back, here’s thought that, though you might not have had it before, is nonetheless, very effective.

Find yourself, ” a good problem to have”.

Granted, coaches are not known for talking in terms of “problems”. Traditionally, every “problem” must be re-framed as a “challenge”.

However, nine times out of ten, if people are feeling held back by a fear of a big, fat, hairy problem, so let’s just call the issue what it is: a problem.

True, it is normally fear that’s holding our hypothetical person back. But that fear is normally of a problem manifesting itself. This seems to hold good even when the problem indicates a fear of success, rather than a fear of failure. For example, the owner of a new restaurant may (sometimes subconsciously) worry that their newly-trained staff may not be able to cope if the restaurant were full. And yet, if they’re otherwise facing night after night of empty tables and no trade, an overfull restaurant would definitely be, “a good problem to have,” by comparison.

So, if something has been holding you back, rather than trying to ignore or banish all your fear and focus on a toothpaste-smiley success all in one go, experiment with a more gradual approach. For example:

1. Decide whether your underlying fear is already of success (ie of ” a good problem to have”) or not. If it is, go to step three.

2. If your fear is of something negative, work out how you would deal with this event that you keep imagining, were it to happen, and then transmute all that worry by switching it into something that would be, “a good problem to have”. In this way, you focus your energy on something much more productive, whilst putting your worrying habit to better use.

3. Once your main worries would in fact be, “good problems to have”, deal with the worrying habit itself. Good methods for many people include: allowing yourself five minutes, but only five, of worrying each day, and decreasing that figure over time, replacing the worry with the thought of what you want instead, etc.

In this way, you still end up at a happy outcome and good old, “positive thinking”, but taking the step in-between of acknowledging “good problems to have”, just makes the journey less daunting, and therefore, something that’s easier to begin and maintain. Give it a go and you’ll see the effect for yourself.

Have You Ever Made This Mistake? November 27, 2008

Posted by selfworks in Confidence, Happiness and Success, Personal Development (General).
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Yesterday, I met a fantastic person. Warm, witty, and infinitely capable.

We shared some ideas. I managed to pass on a few things that have worked in the past for others, whilst she taught me a great deal on a couple of subjects I know little about.

But most impressively of all, she managed to avoid a mistake that I’ve made often myself in the past-and have seen others make, not only in the personal development field, but any other area, in which, for whatever reaason, they feel underconfident.

This person talked about how she wanted to, “share the information,” I’d given her, with others. In other words, she distinguished between the powerful information itself, and me, as the mere messenger, or mouthpiece, for that information.

Why is this such a wise distinction? Primarily because it’s the information itself (coupled with a person’s own willingness to make changes) that causes change to be made. A particular person acting as mouthpiece, or scribe, for that information might well put it in a particular way that sparks a certain response, on occasion. They might be warm, sympathetic, or in some other way appealing on any given day. But they themselves are not the factor that creates the change. The change only happens during the magical interplay between the info itself, and yours or my willingness to be open to it.

Confusing the power of the information with the much more limited power of the mouthpiece, leads some to make gurus out of others, in an exact reversal of the way in which they might want to, “shoot the messenger” if the info they hear is not to their taste.

And whilst it may upset some to hear me say this, however well-intentioned a guru might be, making any other human being into a guru risks diminishing the person who’s eagerly erecting that pedestal. Why? Because by elevating someone above your own level, you’re suggesting that they are in some way more powerful, or “better”, than you are. Different , yes. More experienced in a certain field? Quite possibly. But “better”? Absolutely not, and believing in a “guruising ” myth can only, in the end, make the believer feel unfairly robbed of his or her own personal power, and until they correct this perception of inequality,  less confident of their own unique abilities and position.

So, if making gurus of others isn’t a great way forward, what’s the alternative? Being aware of what helps you to feel open to change, powerful, and all you can be. Noticing when information itself helps you to empower yourself. And being alive to the fact that each of us, though unique and diverse, is as innately powerful, resourceful and talented as the next person, whether or not we’re exhibiting that to the world at any particular moment.

How Wide Are Your Horizons? July 15, 2008

Posted by selfworks in Happiness and Success.
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There’s a lot of talk in the personal development field about “expanding your horizons”, “aiming high” and so forth. The trouble is, no-one seems to explain quite how you’re supposed to do this whilst juggling jobs, family, household budgets and more.

The good news is, the whole process can be really simple and down-to-earth. As simple, in fact, as saying, “yes” more often in life.

There’s a story here I need to tell against myself, in order to make the point best.

For some time, my Long Suffering Spouse has been nudging me gently towards getting a new monitor, worried perhaps that all my online activities would leave him with a wife who could only ever see him through a severely myopic haze.

Anyway, after weeks and months of pointing out good deals (he is, after all, a computer repair bod) he finally excelled himself, and brought home a 20″ monitor, cast off by one of his clients in favour of something even better.

I looked at the monitor…huge and black-edged, and a serious piece of kit…and found myself putting up internal objections in order to preserve what I had:

-”But my current monitor’s silver…it looks better than a black one would,”

-”The monitor I’ve got has speakers, the new one doesn’t”

-”It’ll never fit-we’d need to move everything around”.

Until of course, I finally had a flash of good sense, and grabbing an extra six inches (of monitor size, naturally).

And of course, it all fitted fine, there wasn’t that much to move, the black doesn’t show because the screen is so huge, and we had other speakers anyway.

Suffice to say, I’ve spent my whole afternoon, going, “Wow….wow…wow,” at my (literally) expanded horizons. And wondering how often I, or any of us, have missed out on something great for the sake of staying with the known.

The moral of the story? Saying, “Yes!” whenever you know you really want to is the easiest personal development tip of all.

Easier Decision Making May 9, 2008

Posted by selfworks in Career and Work, Confidence, Happiness and Success, Personal Development (General).
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Are you humming and hawing about making a decision? Or, do you know someone who is?

In which case, this very simple little technique should assist you in making the process quicker and easier. It goes like this:

1. Take a large sheet of paper (or a nice, new document if you’re doing this on a computer).

At the top, write “My Needs Right Now”.

Under that, list ever single thing you feel you need from life, right now. Eg:

“1. Time to myself every day.
2. More chances to meet with friends
3. X hours per week to pursue cretive interests”

etc.

When you think you’ve finished, wait a few minutes, or even put the list away for a day, before you complete it, to check that other needs are not “lurking” somewhere in your mind.

Once the list is complete, go back to your decision making process, and whatever else that process includes, make sure you spend a little time checking out how well each option tallies (or otherwise) with your list of your own needs.

This little technique is not meant to make the decision for you, nor to ignore the needs of others, which may have a vital role to play as well. Its simple function is to make sure that in decision-making, your own needs are met before anything else that you “ought to” should” or even “want” to do.

Hope this helps

More soon

Clare

Do You Use This Key Personal Development Resource? April 2, 2008

Posted by selfworks in Personal Development (General).
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OK, it’s a deliberately secretive title, but for a good reason.

I bet there’s a fair chance that, when you read that title, you wondered which technique, method, book or DVD set I might be about to describe.

Very sorry to disappoint, but actually, it’s none of the above. It’s a fabulous, but (relatively) unsung resource, that, being free, is open to everyone of us on the planeet at virtually all times, whatever our age or background. What’s more it helps to raise levels of feel-good hormones in, and is guaranteed to stop personal development bods becoming too intense/off-putting for the rest of the population.

The resource is, of course, the ability each of us has to laugh as long, and as loudly, as possible, at every available opportunity.

And whilst I’ve nodded approvingly at all sorts of articles and the like stating, and quoting statistics about, the benefits of laughter, I was jolted back to thinking about it more seriously today.

For much of the morning, I’d had to deal with intensely boring admin stuff. I was not smiling by the end. And then someone fowarded me a website link to highlights of yesterday’s best April Fool spoofs and hoaxes.

Humour varies for everyone. So, although the selection that made me laugh, at: http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/ is broad, it may not suit everyone.

That though, as you’ll have gathered, is not the point of this post.

The point is, each of us may sometimes need a push to remember that the best personal development tip of all is to find things that make us laugh, preferably on a daily basis.

Have fun making this happen.

More soon

Clare

Taking Your Own Advice? March 11, 2008

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This is a handy tool for anyone who wants to be able to trust their own intuition more fully, but has been used to relying on other people for advice, or simply is having a moment (or series of moments) of doubt about their own opinion. It isn’t a substitute for checking facts, or advice from expert sources, but is free, simple, and great for building self-trust.

It works like this.

1. The first step is for the person concerned (ie you or whoever else) to write down the dilemma with which you’re having difficulty trusting yourself.

2. Put the file or piece of paper containing the dilemma away for 24 hours.

3. 24 hours later, spend a minute or so getting into the mindset you’re in when you’re giving the best help you can to a friend . (If you’re a coaching professional or similar, you could also use the “coaching others” mindset). Really see, hear and feel how things are when you want the very best for someone else and want them to come to their own best outcome.

4. Read the piece of paper written 24 hours ago, and reply to it in an email, trusting what comes into your mind, and maintaiing the perspective from step three.

5. Send the email to yourself (preferably using a separate email address, from the one doing the sending).

6. Read the incoming email as if it was coming from a friend, and notice how you feel.

Hope this helps-and please do post any comments you have about your experience of it.

More soon

Clare

Try This Affirmations/Fitness Trick March 4, 2008

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This post is for you if:

a) You hate/ feel ridiculous/ can never find the time for, “doing” affirmations

and/or

b) You have some kind of repetitive fitness routine that you’d like to spice up.

I stumbled upon this quite by accident, but it works beautifully, is 100% free, and saves time.

The system works like this:

1. First of all, come up with an affirmation that you’d like to be true, and can feel your way into in your imagination (or you would be able to feel your way into, if you could keep a straight face for long enough whilst actually doing the affirmation.

For example, if you seek a relationship, one individual might want to repeat,”I have found the person of my dreams, ” but actually be able better to access the feeling that goes with, “I am loved”, in which case the latter would be bette, because it creates stronger emotional feelings.

2. Repeat your affirmation in a way that reflects the rhythm of your fitness activity. For example, I use an exercise bike each morning. It’s a rudimentary one, and so doesn’t have all the
bells and whistles on it, like speed and distance, that many do. Before I discovered this methoid therefore, I was reduced to counting how many revolutions I’d done. Now though, if I affirm (and internally is fine!)…

“I am healthy, I am wealthy, Iam happy, I am free, Iam healthy, I am wealthy, I am happy, I am me.”

I now know that that takes about 20 revolutions to complete. Much more fun than ordinary counting, and if your experience is in any way like mine, you’ll probably find that you’ll complete your “sets” of whatever activity it is you’re repeating, much faster, and more happily, as a bonus. You may well also discover yourself feeling more eager to start your activity in the first place.

Hope this helps.

As ever, more soon.

Clare

Anti-Valentine? February 14, 2008

Posted by selfworks in Relationships.
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No, this isn’t news of a sudden falling out between me and LSS after that last post. I just wanted link all the February 14th business with a trend I’ve noticed, and a way in which we can all, whether coupled or single, have our Valentine cake (or should that be “chocolate”?) and eat it.

It seems that the idea of, “anti-Valentine” is catching on. If you haven’t heard about this yet, it, as the name implies, is the complete eschewing of all the “hearts and flowers” mush that surrouds this time of year. And strange as it may seem, I can sympathise with its proponents. For many years pre-LSS, I was strongly anti-Valentine, having even been “dumped” once, many years ago, in Valentine’s week.

But whether you’re providing your own roses or not today, and whilst it’s a sweet celebration for some, Valentine’s day can draw attention away from real love, that could be going onon 365 days a year, and doesn’t have to be romantic in nature.

In order to redress that balance, I’d like to invite you (and anyone else who feels like it) to do the following at some point today:

1. Think about something or someone you really love. (It could be a significant other, but might just as easily be an animal, a landscape, a family member, or a hobby that you adore. The important thing is that it gives you a deep feeling and experience of love within yourself.

2. Allow that feeling to permeate through every part of your being, and to overfolw beyond the boundaries of yourself.

3. Imagine that you can gather up the feeling and visualise it sending itself to something or someone that you feel is in need of it.

And if you enjoy this, it can also be repeated on all other days of the year as well.

Hope this helps!

More soon

Clare

Too Good to Be True? January 11, 2008

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This post is for you if… there’s something you really want in life, but for some reason it isn’t turning up in your experience at the speed of an express train (or an express snail, for that matter) What’s to be done?

Ask yourself this question, and answer it honestly. (No-one will hear the answer but you). Does this prized outcome, a you think about it happening, feel “too good to be true”?

If so, that may very well indicate reason why you haven’t snaffled that outcome (yet). You see, if something feels “too good to be true,” to you, then you don’t yet believe on the deepest level, that you can attain it. If you did believe it, then it would feel like the next logical step, rather than something that’s “too good”. You’d be thinking/feeling/saying things like, “Of course I can be/have/do X. Why wouldn’t I? The now-treasured outcome would be so much a fact that it wouldn’t actually take up so much of your time or thought as it may at present.

As an example, contrast a person who thinks that, say, life with a great partner is “too good to be true,” with the mindeset of someone who is moving in with a great partner tomorrow.

But how do you get there?

The trouble is, the whole matter can seem somewhat “chicken and egg.” You need to feel like something is thoroughly expected, before you really know what it’s like to expect that thing. But if you knew already what the feeling was like, you wouldn’t be needing to set this outcome.

Fortunately, there ar two ways around this. The first is imagination. By imagining what the feeling would be like (helped by visualisation, reading other people’s success stories, etc) you can often foster the new feeling in a creative and enjoyable way.

Which is fine, if you have huge confidence in your imagination.

If you’re a little nervous about relying only on imagination though, and/or want to “top up” those activities with something less nebulous, here’s a process that works, and makes the ideas behind books and films like, “The Secret” a bit more “do-able”.

1. Note how it is you’d like to feel/need to feel to get this outcome.

2. Be aware, as authentically as possible, of how you feel now.

3. Think about the biggest step twoards your outcome, which still feels completely factual and “on the cards” as you can, (Ideally, this should feel as likely as your brushing your teeth tonight). For example, the person seeking a great partner may not be able yet, to feel what that might be like, but they might well be able to feel likely that they could enjoy a chat, within the next few days, with someone who has some of the characteristics they might like in a partner.

From that place, they might move on to feeling what it would be like to meet more people like that, then meet them for longer…and so on, until the final outcome is a “normality” too.

4. And so, as the example suggests, the final step is simply to repeat this process until the feeling you’re aiming for is a solid part of your reality.

Hope this makes sense and is useful-please comment either way!

Clare